Man Laws suggestions:
- Never use chapstick in front of any other living thing.
- Physically abuse your wife with calm, collected rage rather than violent, impetuous rage.
- Never provide any useful information when questioned by your friends significant other.
- Never have a conversation with a woman longer than you can have sex with her. (Unless said conversation is leading to sex.)
- The only permissible birthday presents for a male friend is alcohol, strippers and a round of bowling.
- -It is never cool to dance at a bar/club unless the goal is pick up/retain women. Any other reason is gay.
- -Scented candles are only appropriate in a man's bathroom or in his bedroom. They may only be lit upon a coitus candidate's emminant entrance into the house or other sex related times.
- The only time you and a strap on are allowed in the same room is when your crackin' it over your girl's skull. ( Or when you and your girl are DPing her NFL cheerleader roommate.)
- It's 'Football Sunday, not 'Let Me Help You Grade Papers' Sunday, so shut your mouth or I'll get the strap on.
- You may shave above the neckline only!
- Your dog must weigh at least 1/3rd of your body weight and cannot be a pug, toy poodle, or a chiuhaha.
- Real men do not recognize eggshell, aquamarine, teal, or any bullshit like that as colors. With the exception of orange, names of fruit are not colors. Flavors (vanilla, chocolate) don't count as colors either.
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
- The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
- If it takes longer than about 15 minutes to shower, shit, shave and be dressed and out the door, there is something wrong.
- You understand that there is no problem that cannot be resolved by the application of sufficient brute force and ignorance.
- If it doesn't work with force - apply more force.
- At the gym, a man must not engage in any physical activity involving
any organized class that dosen't involve beating the shit out of someone.
- No bath! Take a shower. Laying down in a vulnerable state soaking in your own dirt is gay.
- When someone asks you if you are OK, you will answer in the affirmative. If you can understand the question you are OK.
- No man may ever ask another man what he is "thinking", unless both are in a situation involving fixing machinery, picking up women, or war.
- To admit you're wrong is the exact same thing as whipping it out and cutting it off with a rusty tire iron.
- Unless you're an on-fire homo, you will not drive the new VW Beetle.
- Know how to drive a fuckin stick!
O=={;;;EDGE;;;>
