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16
Spam / 50's Christmas Story
« on: December 10, 2008, 08:37:35 AM »When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
the END ....
17
Spam / Good Manners
« on: December 07, 2008, 08:51:25 PM »
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' '
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' '
I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' '
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' '
I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
19
Media / Government Bailouts Can Be Painful
« on: December 03, 2008, 04:59:54 AM »
Greener Grass...
It's important in life to reach out, to strive for greater achievements, to go for that greener grass on the other side of the fence.
But one must also be careful
Sometimes you can reach too far !
But when you find yourself over-extended and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of,
there is one thing you should always remember...... .
Your government ......
Is there to help you !!!
It's important in life to reach out, to strive for greater achievements, to go for that greener grass on the other side of the fence.
But one must also be careful
Sometimes you can reach too far !
But when you find yourself over-extended and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of,
there is one thing you should always remember...... .
Your government ......
Is there to help you !!!
20
Spam / Spot your BOSS
« on: December 01, 2008, 09:54:03 PM »
Sorry Hawaii....that was WAY to close to pr0n.
~MAGGOT
~MAGGOT
21
23
Spam / This goes only to my real friends!....
« on: November 24, 2008, 02:41:21 AM »Great News!
I found a local prostitute who charges by the inch. Obviously, I can't afford her but I thought it would be a cheap night out for you.
24
Spam / Rules 4 a happy life
« on: November 19, 2008, 08:04:14 PM »
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't
lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's VERY, VERY IMPORTANT that these four women DO NOT KNOW each other.
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't
lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's VERY, VERY IMPORTANT that these four women DO NOT KNOW each other.
25
Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.
"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."
Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.
Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. Suddenly a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a table. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.
Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.
A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost. The winning number was 707.
26
General / Belarc Adviser
« on: November 15, 2008, 09:43:01 PM »
Here's a cool download that tell's you what's in your Pc .
http://www.belarc.com/free_download.html
I've been useing it for a few years now , good 2 have if
you work on someone's PC & they don't know what the hell
they got in it !!
( and a got 2 have if you're buying a used computer )
Here's what's in my old freaken PC .... old shit !!
Operating System System Model
Windows XP Professional Service Pack 2 (build 2600) Enclosure Type: Desktop
Processor a Main Circuit Board b
2.00 gigahertz AMD Athlon XP
128 kilobyte primary memory cache
256 kilobyte secondary memory cache
Board: MICRO-STAR INTERNATIONAL CO., LTD MS-6570
Bus Clock: 133 megahertz
BIOS: Phoenix Technologies, LTD 6.00 PG 04/18/2003
Drives Memory Modules c,d
61.48 Gigabytes Usable Hard Drive Capacity
9.78 Gigabytes Hard Drive Free Space
SONY DVD RW DRU-830A [CD-ROM drive]
3.5" format removeable media [Floppy drive]
Maxtor 6Y060L0 [Hard drive] (61.49 GB) -- drive 0
1536 Megabytes Installed Memory
Slot 'A0' has 256 MB
Slot 'A1' has 1024 MB
Slot 'A2' has 256 MB
Local Drive Volumes
c: (NTFS on drive 0) 61.48 GB 9.78 GB free
Controllers Display
Standard floppy disk controller
NVIDIA NForce MCP2 IDE Controller
Primary IDE Channel [Controller]
Secondary IDE Channel [Controller]
RADEON 9600 SERIES [Display adapter]
RADEON 9600 SERIES - Secondary [Display adapter]
Samsung SyncMaster [Monitor] (19.3"vis, s/n HCHWA00740
Bus Adapters Multimedia
NEC PCI to USB Open Host Controller (2x)
Standard Enhanced PCI to USB Host Controller (2x)
Standard OpenHCD USB Host Controller (2x)
Creative SB Audigy 2 (WDM)
Logitech Microphone (Pro 4000)
NVIDIA(R) nForce(TM) Audio
NVIDIA(R) nForce(TM) Audio Codec Interface
Sound Blaster 16 or AWE32 or compatible (WDM)
NVIDIA nForce MCP Networking Adapter
HID-compliant consumer control device (2x)
HID-compliant device
Microsoft SideWinder Force Feedback 2 (2x)
USB Human Interface Device (2x)
Logitech QuickCam Pro 4000 #7
HID Keyboard Device (2x)
HID-compliant mouse
Logitech USB Camera (Pro 4000)
USB Composite Device
USB Root Hub (6x)
http://www.belarc.com/free_download.html
I've been useing it for a few years now , good 2 have if
you work on someone's PC & they don't know what the hell
they got in it !!
( and a got 2 have if you're buying a used computer )
Here's what's in my old freaken PC .... old shit !!
Operating System System Model
Windows XP Professional Service Pack 2 (build 2600) Enclosure Type: Desktop
Processor a Main Circuit Board b
2.00 gigahertz AMD Athlon XP
128 kilobyte primary memory cache
256 kilobyte secondary memory cache
Board: MICRO-STAR INTERNATIONAL CO., LTD MS-6570
Bus Clock: 133 megahertz
BIOS: Phoenix Technologies, LTD 6.00 PG 04/18/2003
Drives Memory Modules c,d
61.48 Gigabytes Usable Hard Drive Capacity
9.78 Gigabytes Hard Drive Free Space
SONY DVD RW DRU-830A [CD-ROM drive]
3.5" format removeable media [Floppy drive]
Maxtor 6Y060L0 [Hard drive] (61.49 GB) -- drive 0
1536 Megabytes Installed Memory
Slot 'A0' has 256 MB
Slot 'A1' has 1024 MB
Slot 'A2' has 256 MB
Local Drive Volumes
c: (NTFS on drive 0) 61.48 GB 9.78 GB free
Controllers Display
Standard floppy disk controller
NVIDIA NForce MCP2 IDE Controller
Primary IDE Channel [Controller]
Secondary IDE Channel [Controller]
RADEON 9600 SERIES [Display adapter]
RADEON 9600 SERIES - Secondary [Display adapter]
Samsung SyncMaster [Monitor] (19.3"vis, s/n HCHWA00740
Bus Adapters Multimedia
NEC PCI to USB Open Host Controller (2x)
Standard Enhanced PCI to USB Host Controller (2x)
Standard OpenHCD USB Host Controller (2x)
Creative SB Audigy 2 (WDM)
Logitech Microphone (Pro 4000)
NVIDIA(R) nForce(TM) Audio
NVIDIA(R) nForce(TM) Audio Codec Interface
Sound Blaster 16 or AWE32 or compatible (WDM)
NVIDIA nForce MCP Networking Adapter
HID-compliant consumer control device (2x)
HID-compliant device
Microsoft SideWinder Force Feedback 2 (2x)
USB Human Interface Device (2x)
Logitech QuickCam Pro 4000 #7
HID Keyboard Device (2x)
HID-compliant mouse
Logitech USB Camera (Pro 4000)
USB Composite Device
USB Root Hub (6x)
28
BF 1942 / A foxes vid
« on: November 07, 2008, 11:50:03 AM »
Here's a vid i made on Foxes .
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cKsda9sJfMk
WoW ......... this fucking sucks !!!
( advertising ... what the hell )
Dear AlohaKenny,
Your video "„FOXES„ Clan Video" has been identified by YouTube's Content Identification program as containing copyrighted content which UMG claims is theirs.
Your video "„FOXES„ Clan Video" is still available because UMG does not object to this content appearing on YouTube at this time. As long as UMG has a claim on your video, they will receive public statistics about your video, such as number of views. Viewers may also see advertising on your video's page.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cKsda9sJfMk
WoW ......... this fucking sucks !!!
( advertising ... what the hell )
Dear AlohaKenny,
Your video "„FOXES„ Clan Video" has been identified by YouTube's Content Identification program as containing copyrighted content which UMG claims is theirs.
Your video "„FOXES„ Clan Video" is still available because UMG does not object to this content appearing on YouTube at this time. As long as UMG has a claim on your video, they will receive public statistics about your video, such as number of views. Viewers may also see advertising on your video's page.
30
This been on my PC 4 a few year's ... old but still cool !!!
http://marketplace.espeakers.com/movie.php?sid=5290&aid=10558
http://marketplace.espeakers.com/movie.php?sid=5290&aid=10558