*MAFIA* Forums
*MAFIA* => General => Topic started by: the edge on January 31, 2007, 08:15:35 PM
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Man Laws suggestions:
- Never use chapstick in front of any other living thing.
- Physically abuse your wife with calm, collected rage rather than violent, impetuous rage.
- Never provide any useful information when questioned by your friends significant other.
- Never have a conversation with a woman longer than you can have sex with her. (Unless said conversation is leading to sex.)
- The only permissible birthday presents for a male friend is alcohol, strippers and a round of bowling.
- -It is never cool to dance at a bar/club unless the goal is pick up/retain women. Any other reason is gay.
- -Scented candles are only appropriate in a man's bathroom or in his bedroom. They may only be lit upon a coitus candidate's emminant entrance into the house or other sex related times.
- The only time you and a strap on are allowed in the same room is when your crackin' it over your girl's skull. ( Or when you and your girl are DPing her NFL cheerleader roommate.)
- It's 'Football Sunday, not 'Let Me Help You Grade Papers' Sunday, so shut your mouth or I'll get the strap on.
- You may shave above the neckline only!
- Your dog must weigh at least 1/3rd of your body weight and cannot be a pug, toy poodle, or a chiuhaha.
- Real men do not recognize eggshell, aquamarine, teal, or any bullshit like that as colors. With the exception of orange, names of fruit are not colors. Flavors (vanilla, chocolate) don't count as colors either.
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
- The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
- If it takes longer than about 15 minutes to shower, shit, shave and be dressed and out the door, there is something wrong.
- You understand that there is no problem that cannot be resolved by the application of sufficient brute force and ignorance.
- If it doesn't work with force - apply more force.
- At the gym, a man must not engage in any physical activity involving
any organized class that dosen't involve beating the shit out of someone.
- No bath! Take a shower. Laying down in a vulnerable state soaking in your own dirt is gay.
- When someone asks you if you are OK, you will answer in the affirmative. If you can understand the question you are OK.
- No man may ever ask another man what he is "thinking", unless both are in a situation involving fixing machinery, picking up women, or war.
- To admit you're wrong is the exact same thing as whipping it out and cutting it off with a rusty tire iron.
- Unless you're an on-fire homo, you will not drive the new VW Beetle.
- Know how to drive a fuckin stick!
O=={;;;EDGE;;;>
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you forgot the most important man law...:
Women canNOT drive.
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i apply chapstick in front of people, and i have numerous scented candles. This list sucks.
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Well, you must be a chick then.. Or European :)
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both.
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lol
"Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers."
That made me chuckle
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you forgot the most important man law...:
Women canNOT drive.
Women drivers = No survivors.
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You forgot the most important one. If you shot your load in a chicks mouth don't kiss her till she brushes her teeth. TWICE, and uses mouth wash!
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Where do chicks get the nerve to even attempt that crap?!
Its always with the one night stands...
it isn't just the one stands. I had a girlfriend of six months ask me after i shot in her mouth, if i wanted to taste myself. needless to say, i taste damn good, because she was a sexy bitch who loved to fuck. just kidding. no but really i taste good.
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-If your screwing your friends girlfriend never take the last beer in the house
-Never let anyone but yourself drive your car
-Always keep the remote control within holster distance
-If you buy a beer in a bar fucking finish it
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That's just peachy :)
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This is the chain of command:
God
Jesus
Man
Woman
Kids
Dog
Live it, learn it, and if she doesn't agree. Beat her ass till she calls you master...
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DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes........... .............. ............No
No............ .............. ............Ye s
Maybe......... .............. ..........No
We need.......... .............. .......I want
I am sorry......... .............. ......You'll be sorry
We need to talk.......... ............Yo u're in trouble
Sure, go ahead......... .............. .You better not
Do what you want.......... .........You will pay for this later
I am not upset......... .............. .Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight....... .....Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry........ .............. .....I am hungry
I am sleepy........ .............. ......I am sleepy
I am tired......... .............. .......I am tired
Nice dress......... .............. .......Nice cleavage!
I love you........... .............. .....Let's have sex now
I am bored......... .............. ......Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.............. ...I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?.............. I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit........ ......I'm gay.
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That is so damn true edge. Where did you copy that from? ;)
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It's compiled from 3-4 posts on a forum I am a member of. The Man Rules I've posted to start the topic are about 50/50... Half I gathered from the web, half me and a friend came up with.. More to come, just have to put some together...
BTW - I am a little puzzled. I got a private message from one of the Mafia members, telling me not to spam.. Can anyone clue me in? Where did I spam, with not even 20 total posts in these forums? Just wondering...
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Where did I spam, with not even 20 total posts in these forums? Can anyone clue me in?
EVERYWHERE! You were posting in old threads and bringing them back up. Then you also have stupid replies to everything. Here's one of them.
I invented Google
Got your clue?
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Stupid replies, as opposed to a Mafia member posting that he invented the lightbulb? Oh well guys, if you wanna act like a bunch of kids with no sense of humor, then what can I say.. I won't post here anymore. Have fun in your forums, flaming eachother and driving away true fans.
Hasta la vista.
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Stupid replies, as opposed to a Mafia member posting that he invented the lightbulb? Oh well guys, if you wanna act like a bunch of kids with no sense of humor, then what can I say.. I won't post here anymore. Have fun in your forums, flaming eachother and driving away true fans.
Hasta la vista.
Do I hear a fucking cry baby. Shut the fuck up you little pussy. DRIVING AWAY A TRUE FAN. LMFFAO. You little bitch. If you look around at what people say in here to each other and you are going to cry. FUCKING KILLYOURSELF YOU LITTLE MONKEY FUCKING BITCH. So Hasta la pasta to you. That is all I have to say thanks. And to get back on the subject.
Here is another on. If you bang a girl in the but then she sucks you pecker. Once again don't kess her, unless you like to eat shit.
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Well you see, saying that you invented the light bulb is a valid thing because it is an object that you are able to make. On the other hand, you can not say you invented Google because it is not really an object. You could say "I developed or created Google." Note that here, create and invent don't necesarily mean the same thing.
Oh you're still going to post here in the forum regardless of your post.
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You double posted in 2 threads, you really should click the "EDIT" button ;)
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Stupid replies, as opposed to a Mafia member posting that he invented the lightbulb? Oh well guys, if you wanna act like a bunch of kids with no sense of humor, then what can I say.. I won't post here anymore. Have fun in your forums, flaming eachother and driving away true fans.
Hasta la vista.
I haven't said anything to you. Don't generalize. Some of our members, for whatever reason, just feel the need to be cruel to non-members. Some of them either can't take a joke, or don't know when to stop joking. But other members don't have those problems. I for one would like to see you around more, as it appears you are quite intelligent, which of course is a good thing. Do you ever get on ventrilo or play Battlefield?
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Beetlejuice - I am what you would call 'an old fart' lol. I have played BF1942, RTR, and Nam sinse they 've been out. Never used Vent, my rig is overloaded as it is, sinse I build my own and usually run them on full speed with overclocking the RAM and the processor.
I hear what you say about some members, and I fully understand. I do sometimes over react myself :).. Oh well, when you have 2 jobs, 3 cars, 2 mortgages, an ex wife, and the war trauma from BF1942, you tend to be jumpy sometimes..
I used to play on the old server, 1.61, but now I frequent the 1.60 as the other one is usually empty. Always enjoyed seeing some of the Mafia members in action and love the mods.
Sorry for the double posting - didn't realize it was against the rules. Will watch it in the future :)
Roshan - You are sooo wrong! There is no way I am going to post in these forums ever again! NEVER!
Well, maybe I will, but only after I will finish working on perfecting one of my famous inventions - the hammer. I was thinking of building in the mentioned above light bulb into the head so people can find the nail easier... Actually, I just had another idea - I will also incorporate my other invention ( or developement ), Google, into the handle! People can use it to search and find the said nail! YAY!
But untill then - I am not posting! No way, EVER!
*...oops, gotta run.. I think I just saw a thread I need to post in.....*