*MAFIA* Forums

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!


Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!


This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

Post your favorite Holiday songs.

Here is one of my favorite songs.  Enjoy  

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CoSluwLzryM

A good reason to wear your seat belt.
This video is graphic!


http://my.break.com/media/view.aspx?ContentID=77609

Here is a test I found to see how cool you are.

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

 
1976 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
 
2006 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
 

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
 
1976 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
 
2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
 

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
 
1976 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
 
2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD.  School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
 

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
 
1976 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
 
2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang.  State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison.  Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
 

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
 
1976 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
 
2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
 

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
 
1976 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
 
2006 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum.  Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
 

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
 
1976 - Ants die.
 
2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
 

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.  He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.  Mary hugs him to comfort him.
 
1976 - In a short time,! Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Men Are Just Happier People!

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness . If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.  You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache or a beard . . .

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
     
No wonder men are happier.

http://www.humanfolly.com/bbs/download.php?id=121