*MAFIA* Forums
- April 28, 2024, 08:44:05 AM
- Welcome, Guest
News:
Welcome back the Arcade! Play over 100+ games to get the high score and compete against other forum members.
http://www.mafiaowns.com/index.php?action=arcade;sa=list;sortby=a2z;
|
Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
91
General / Redneck oil change
« on: May 07, 2005, 01:29:44 PM »
Here's what happens when us rednecks(Me, Bone, Snake, Swampy, etc...)have to change our oil.
A redneck oil change
The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
Total: $1337
A redneck oil change
The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
Total: $1337
93
BF 1942 / First to max...
« on: May 02, 2005, 09:23:10 AM »
Congrats Raven, you're the first one to max out on the new map.
Here's the pics.
Here's the pics.
94
BF 1942 / It's been a while...
« on: April 29, 2005, 10:53:29 AM »
It's been a while, but I finally did it again. I finally got the little gold star. I love that thing.
95
General / The Scientist's Mistake
« on: April 27, 2005, 12:40:32 PM »
Hey guys, this is a short story I had to write for my english class. I hope you like it.
Once upon a time, there was a crazy, old man who liked to make experiments in his basement. Now this old man wasn’t like any other person. He had a secret, a secret that could make change the world if this information was released into the public.
So night and day, this old man would work nonstop. Only for a few minutes to go upstairs to get something to eat and drink or to go to the bathroom is when he would stop. Besides for those very reasons, he remained secluded in his deep, dark basement.
One day, that all changed. For you see, it wasn’t a normal day. It was Christmas, and the old man decided he would spend the day with his wife, kids, and grandchildren. Though, while there was joy and merriment in the air, they all heard a loud knocking at the door. The old man got up, went to the door and opened it. There stood a tall, young man in a heavy over coat.
The moment the old man opened the door, he knew it was trouble. This man wanted something, something he didn’t have. The man said in his strong voice, “Time to pay up.” The man shook his head no, and shut the door, well at least tried. The young man told him that he had 5 more days to pay up, or he would lose something dear.
The man went on enjoying is afternoon and evening with his family. The next day, he went right to work. Working harder than he has ever before. He was almost done with his project, and he had five more days to do it. Beads of sweat poured down his forehead, splashing on the floor.
The next morning, he only had one more thing to complete before he would be finished, but the old man came down with a virus and became very ill. Two days passed, and he was yet able to finish his experiment. He lied there, thinking about how close he was to changing the world. Just thinking about all the years he had wasted working on it, when he could have spent his time with his family and lived an enjoyable life.
Night came and went as the old man, lie on his bed. It was the last day he had to finish his experiment. He dozed off, and while he was asleep, he had a vision. He remembered something from a long time ago, an article he read in a book. He stood straight up and went right back to working. Within minutes, his project was complete.
The next day, the same tall, young man came knocking on the door. He wanted his money, but the old man said he still didn’t have it. Then the young man pushed him aside and stormed into the basement to be surprised at what he saw. There was a table with a white cloth hung over something, but before he could take one step towards the table. The old man pulled him back and shut the door.
The young man looked intrigued, he said if the old man would show him what was under the white cloth and liked it, he would wave all of the man’s debts. The old man thought, but was still as suborned as before. He said no, that he had worked on it his whole life and that he could get much more out of it than the payment of this debts. The young man nodded and walked out of the door.
Then the old man fell onto his knees holding his chest. Yelling in pain while his wife called the hospital. When the ambulance got there, it was too late. The old man had died of a lung cancer. It had eaten a hole in his right lung. The next week at his funeral, the same young man came up to the old man’s wife. He was offering to buy that item in her basement, to clear her payments.
The women nodded and took him to her house, and lead him into the basement. She took off the white cloth, and then the man stared at it in amazement. He looked at it for five minutes straight, looking at every specification and detail. Then he said he would have someone come and get it in the morning.
When he left, the woman stood there, just thinking about what it did and what was so important about it. As she turned around, she saw a piece of paper that was slide under the stair case. She grabbed it and read it thoroughly, pacing her reading as not to miss anything. When she was finished, she understood what the invention did. She rushed over to it and read the instructions attached to the note that the man had left behind.
It said there was a red switch on the left side that would activate it. She followed the instructions the machine came to life. The tubes of water started flowing, the wheels started spinning, and the lights started blinking. Then all of the sudden, there was a flash, and then came a bottle, rolling out of the opposite side. She looked at it, and it was labeled as a cure for cancer.
The old man had a cure right at his finger tips, but too stubborn to use it. He thought it was too late, then the woman called the young man and told him that the deal was off. Then the woman took the invention straight to the patient office and got a patient for it right away.
The invention made billions of dollars for the family. They lived in peace and harmony, never worrying about debt and money again. They all thought and prayed about that old man everyday. For that old man had changed the world, but at a price. He could have spent about another ten happy years with his family, but he was killed by his own stubbornness. So he made a foolish mistake that could have been prevent easily, but his stupid pride took control over him, and caused him to die; and that was his greatest mistake of all.
Hope you liked it!:D
The Scientist’s Mistake
By: Jeff Straw
4/26/05
Mrs. Robbins
By: Jeff Straw
4/26/05
Mrs. Robbins
Once upon a time, there was a crazy, old man who liked to make experiments in his basement. Now this old man wasn’t like any other person. He had a secret, a secret that could make change the world if this information was released into the public.
So night and day, this old man would work nonstop. Only for a few minutes to go upstairs to get something to eat and drink or to go to the bathroom is when he would stop. Besides for those very reasons, he remained secluded in his deep, dark basement.
One day, that all changed. For you see, it wasn’t a normal day. It was Christmas, and the old man decided he would spend the day with his wife, kids, and grandchildren. Though, while there was joy and merriment in the air, they all heard a loud knocking at the door. The old man got up, went to the door and opened it. There stood a tall, young man in a heavy over coat.
The moment the old man opened the door, he knew it was trouble. This man wanted something, something he didn’t have. The man said in his strong voice, “Time to pay up.” The man shook his head no, and shut the door, well at least tried. The young man told him that he had 5 more days to pay up, or he would lose something dear.
The man went on enjoying is afternoon and evening with his family. The next day, he went right to work. Working harder than he has ever before. He was almost done with his project, and he had five more days to do it. Beads of sweat poured down his forehead, splashing on the floor.
The next morning, he only had one more thing to complete before he would be finished, but the old man came down with a virus and became very ill. Two days passed, and he was yet able to finish his experiment. He lied there, thinking about how close he was to changing the world. Just thinking about all the years he had wasted working on it, when he could have spent his time with his family and lived an enjoyable life.
Night came and went as the old man, lie on his bed. It was the last day he had to finish his experiment. He dozed off, and while he was asleep, he had a vision. He remembered something from a long time ago, an article he read in a book. He stood straight up and went right back to working. Within minutes, his project was complete.
The next day, the same tall, young man came knocking on the door. He wanted his money, but the old man said he still didn’t have it. Then the young man pushed him aside and stormed into the basement to be surprised at what he saw. There was a table with a white cloth hung over something, but before he could take one step towards the table. The old man pulled him back and shut the door.
The young man looked intrigued, he said if the old man would show him what was under the white cloth and liked it, he would wave all of the man’s debts. The old man thought, but was still as suborned as before. He said no, that he had worked on it his whole life and that he could get much more out of it than the payment of this debts. The young man nodded and walked out of the door.
Then the old man fell onto his knees holding his chest. Yelling in pain while his wife called the hospital. When the ambulance got there, it was too late. The old man had died of a lung cancer. It had eaten a hole in his right lung. The next week at his funeral, the same young man came up to the old man’s wife. He was offering to buy that item in her basement, to clear her payments.
The women nodded and took him to her house, and lead him into the basement. She took off the white cloth, and then the man stared at it in amazement. He looked at it for five minutes straight, looking at every specification and detail. Then he said he would have someone come and get it in the morning.
When he left, the woman stood there, just thinking about what it did and what was so important about it. As she turned around, she saw a piece of paper that was slide under the stair case. She grabbed it and read it thoroughly, pacing her reading as not to miss anything. When she was finished, she understood what the invention did. She rushed over to it and read the instructions attached to the note that the man had left behind.
It said there was a red switch on the left side that would activate it. She followed the instructions the machine came to life. The tubes of water started flowing, the wheels started spinning, and the lights started blinking. Then all of the sudden, there was a flash, and then came a bottle, rolling out of the opposite side. She looked at it, and it was labeled as a cure for cancer.
The old man had a cure right at his finger tips, but too stubborn to use it. He thought it was too late, then the woman called the young man and told him that the deal was off. Then the woman took the invention straight to the patient office and got a patient for it right away.
The invention made billions of dollars for the family. They lived in peace and harmony, never worrying about debt and money again. They all thought and prayed about that old man everyday. For that old man had changed the world, but at a price. He could have spent about another ten happy years with his family, but he was killed by his own stubbornness. So he made a foolish mistake that could have been prevent easily, but his stupid pride took control over him, and caused him to die; and that was his greatest mistake of all.
Hope you liked it!:D
96
Media / Stupid Videos!
« on: April 19, 2005, 07:14:58 PM »
Alley-oop
Dog pwns cat without trying
Missa at the gym
Phantom on his break
Bone's idea of entertainment
Hope you guys like them.
EDIT...ok, fixed the link. Thanks for telling me Toby.
Dog pwns cat without trying
Missa at the gym
Phantom on his break
Bone's idea of entertainment
Hope you guys like them.
EDIT...ok, fixed the link. Thanks for telling me Toby.
97
Spam / First thread.
« on: April 16, 2005, 08:52:13 PM »
Nice, finally a place where spammers can come and not mess up the other posts. Nice job Bone.
98
Games / Kill the cat game!!!!
« on: April 02, 2005, 03:30:04 PM »
Here ya go Bone, you wanted one, and I guess someone decided to make your wish come true. Try to launch the cat as far as you can. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/228520
Edit...My highscore 1,439.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/228520Edit...My highscore 1,439.
99
General / Happy Easter!
« on: March 24, 2005, 09:15:38 AM »
Well I know I said I wasn't gonna post in awhile. I have a special circumstance. Happy Easter to all, and to all a good egg. http://www.grayace.com/dex/bunny.html
P.S.: Seriously, THIS one is gonna be my last one for awhile. Hope you like this one as well.
P.S.: Seriously, THIS one is gonna be my last one for awhile. Hope you like this one as well.
100
Media / Madness Fighting!
« on: March 21, 2005, 04:56:51 AM »
Ok, this is sorta of a different movie then what I've shown to you in the past, but it's good none the less. Hope you like it. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/121747
101
Media / Fallen Angel(action filled movie)
« on: March 17, 2005, 02:42:56 PM »
Here guys, I know this one is a lot better then that stupid bunny one I put on here. This one has amazing graphics. It runs exceptionally smooth. Also, there's a lot of violence and blood. Hope you like it better. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/192340
P.S.: Very, very large file size. It is over 7.5 mega bytes. So it'll take awhile.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/192340P.S.: Very, very large file size. It is over 7.5 mega bytes. So it'll take awhile.
102
Media / A New Bunny?(funny video, no, not porn)
« on: March 17, 2005, 09:23:42 AM »
Here ya go guys. Hope you like it. !CAUTION!-Extremely perversive and mature langauge.!CAUTION! http://www.tlgmedia.com/
EDIT: Look right below the pic for the uncensored version. It's under the red warning text.
EDIT: Look right below the pic for the uncensored version. It's under the red warning text.
103
Games / Which is better?
« on: February 20, 2005, 03:54:52 PM »
Which is better? Xbox or PS2? If you have a comment please leave on after the beep. Thank you. (Beep)
104
News / Extremecowtipping.com
« on: February 12, 2005, 10:40:11 AM »
Attention everyone, as most of you may know, I'm very crazy. Cause I've played with a lot of you guys on the battlefield. Thanks to *MAFIA* Toblerone, I have found the pimpest site ever(besides this one). Everyone needs to go here. It's http://www.extremecowtipping.com, thank you, that is all.