It's that time of the year again folks.
As you know i've been pretty busy as of late so i'm sorry if some of these aren't the most creative gifts.
Here we go...
Titties.
Where have you been? Did you finally get thrown into the slammer?
If that is the case take a gander at the new motivantional poster I got you.
Bacon
Not sure if you have seen the new fad going around this year but I think it fits you.
I'll bet none of you will ever look at another air dryer the same way again.
Beetlejuice
The ever popular footprints poem!
Not just any old poem though, this sucker is on a clock, why the clock you ask?
I made a deal with the you know who to set this sucker to count down to the rapture!
This way when Jesus shows back up you'll be right on time to tell everybody, "I told you so!"
Bonehead
The economy has hit us all hard this year. So I wanted to make sure you were taken care of.
On my last trip to Louisiana I picked this up for ya.
Utilities not included unfortunately.
Carnage
I know you love the anime, and metal.
I couldn't find anything that encompasses both
so instead you get the power rangers movie on dvd. enjoy!
Darkcritter
I know your significant other has been hounding you lately to pony up the cock. But you won't give it up.
I have just the solution.
Poor a little bit of this on your cock and ram it right up there and I guarantee she'll never pine for it again!
Dune Surfer
You daft bastard!
If you won't get out of the house I figured why not give you a reason for once to stay in.
Waste your day's away with WOW and become one of the fallen.
Don't worry, comes with a years supply of Sambuca!
ExcoWear
I know you are in the Dutch armed services and have quite of bit to carry around during your missions but I bet you don't have one of these in your pack!
Dutch Apple Pie field kit!
Hawaii-50
Don't embrace your impending doom just yet!
Instead, have fun on this.
I'm pretty sure it was carved from Noah's ark, you remember that guy? You went to high school with him didn't you?
Hellraiser
A new key for your keyboard.
I figured it would save you a little bit of time.
Krautkiller
Got you a date with this thing!
Wasn't really sure if it is female or not, I guess that's the point right?
Lightning
You had to see that one coming.
Maggot
You aren't fooling anyone. We all know you are lonely. I've got just the thing for you this year my mutant friend.
I think you all will get along great!
Manowar
I figured this fit you better than anything else.
Masebot1
LOL! J/K
Mean Green
I'm sorry I can't be around as much to "service" you as much as I should so I hired someone this year.
Ho Ho Ho Baby! Love You.
Meester
Ahh Shucks! Looks like you got it this year. HAHAHA!
Mez
I'm going to take the high road this year and not get you an emo gift.
Instead, you get nasty ass cheese logs!
Eat it and cry you SOB! LOL, heart you buddy.
Nitro
You'd think i'd be running out of ideas by now eh?
Well....
I am!
Used can opener for you! Merry Fucking Christmas!
Outlaw
I know you are an avid football player. It's been my experience that is one small step from full faggotry. To get you started on the right track i've hired Han's, your new life coach.
LOL, J/K
I kidnapped a cheerleader for you. Have your way with her and give back the remains.
Merry Christmas!
Patty Cakes
Now would be the time to throw in something about "Owned" or "Pizza" or possibly "Gambling" Right?
Not this year son!
An all expense paid trip back to the homeland in the brand new Yacht!
Catch is, it's highly infested with yellow fever, hope you've had your shots.
Ransom
I know you weren't too happy with the results of this years election so I figured I'd get you a "get out of jail free ticket"
See you in four to eight years buddy. Gonna miss you.
Ratman
I hold you in high regards my friend.
No gag for you this year.
Enjoy!
Roshan
I realize how Indian parents can be. So, I got you somebody that you and your parents can compromise on!
And believe me, she comes with one hell of a dowry. LOL!
Southernbell
Get the hormones under control! HAHA!
Swampy
Just too easy!
CP
Light it up with the new release!
Vanillathrilla
You've upgraded this year! No Frank Stallone.
This year it's Jesse and the Rippers! Rock On!
Wasserfaller
A picture so mommy and daddy can be proud!
Oh yeah, I went there.
Zell
Uh Oh! Another case of writers block.
Tire Iron! In other words... Ask for your shit early! LOL
Destroyer
Don't know much about you yet except that you are from the big KC
So... You get this.
Hope you're not gay, otherwise I would have to go looking for more shit.
Blackjax
I am willing to bet that you have this already but if not...
I'd say it fits you pretty well.
Like I said, sorry if some of these just didn't have alot of imagination to them this year.
None the less, I wish you all a very happy, healthy, and joyful Holiday Season.
