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Author Topic: joke spam  (Read 70117 times)

*MAFIA* Manowar

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2009, 11:01:16 AM »

______________ ______________ ___________
Subject: Husband Store
 

A  store that sells new husbands has opened  inNew  York City  , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among  the instructions at the entrance is a description of  how the store  operates: 

You  may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors  and the value of the products increase as the  shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose  any item from a particular floor, or may choose to  go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down  except to exit the building!

So,  a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.  On the first floor the sign on the door  reads:
Floor  1 - These men Have  Jobs 

She  is intrigued, but continues to the second floor,  where the sign reads: 
Floor  2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's  nice,' she thinks, 'but I want  more.' 

So  she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor  3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are  Extremely Good  Looking. 

'Wow,'  she thinks, but feels compelled to keep  going.

She  goes to the fourth floor and the sign  reads: 
Floor  4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead  Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh,  mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand  it!' 

Still,  she goes to the fifth floor and the sign  reads:
Floor  5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead  Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong  Romantic Streak. 

She  is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth  floor, where the sign reads:
Floor  6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There  are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely  as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank  you for shopping at the Husband  Store.   

PLEASE  NOTE: 

To  avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened  a New Wives store just across the street.

The  first floor has wives that love  sex. 

The  second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. 

The  third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never  been visited. 
 
 
 
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Ultimate embarrassment, running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose first.

*MAFIA* Manowar

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2009, 02:39:49 PM »

 The Soldier and the Nun
 
 A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later." The nun agreed.

A moment later two military police ran up and asked, "Sister have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under the skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq.."   

The nun said she understood completely.

The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs."
 
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
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*MAFIA* MAGGOT

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #17 on: February 04, 2009, 04:04:14 PM »

one on the front that made me think of beatle.

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"

"The Red Sox."

"Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."

"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"

"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"
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"At some point in their lives, 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the dutch." ~The fact core, Portal 2.

Mean Green

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2009, 06:55:47 AM »

Just for Bone....

Marriage

The first man married a woman from KENTUCKY. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from GEORGIA. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he
didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling
had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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*MAFIA* Hellraiser

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #19 on: February 05, 2009, 07:59:10 AM »

Just for Bone....

Marriage

The first man married a woman from KENTUCKY. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from GEORGIA. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he
didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling
had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
  That just goes to show you why Texas has the most lesbians in the US.  No guy in his right mind wants to marry any of them.  They are just good for a few nights, then you have to let them go!
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*MAFIA* Manowar

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #20 on: February 05, 2009, 09:58:32 AM »

They are just good for a few nights, then you have to let them go!

Hellraiser practices catch and release in hunting and Snatch and Release in dating.
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Mean Green

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2009, 02:39:27 PM »

Just for H-Raiser:


Top Ten Rejected Valentines....

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
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*MAFIA* Manowar

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2009, 09:07:11 AM »

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a west African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age,a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about trying the African string-and-weight procedure?

"The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.  A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, but it's turned black."
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*MAFIA* Dune Surfer

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #23 on: February 13, 2009, 09:46:59 AM »

LMAO  :laugh:
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Mean Green

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #24 on: February 13, 2009, 04:20:30 PM »

lol..actually laughed out loud.   ;D
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Head Hunter

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #25 on: February 13, 2009, 05:39:56 PM »

I laughed too lol.
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*MAFIA* Bonehead

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #26 on: February 13, 2009, 10:07:19 PM »

misfit finally has his dream a small black penis :)
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Re: joke spam
« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2009, 01:58:27 PM »

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
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Mean Green

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #28 on: February 19, 2009, 07:44:28 AM »

Perfect description... of the ObamaNation.  Just sayin'
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*MAFIA* Dune Surfer

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Re: joke spam
« Reply #29 on: February 19, 2009, 12:37:02 PM »

Perfect description... of the ObamaNation.  Just sayin'
For someone who makes $250 an hour from tax's you seem to moan about them alot. Is it because the zero button keeps wearing out on your calculator  :D
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