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[*MAFIA* Manowar]

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
       
        # 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
       
        # 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
       
        # 8 - Engine noise drowns  out the rap music.
       
        # 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants. 
       
        # 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
       
        # 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
       
        # 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
       
        # 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
       
        # 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.

                 AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
       
        # 1 - They can't wear  their helmets sideways.

[*MAFIA* Dune Surfer]

There ain't no corners to drive by and no 5 O to chase a nigga.
The engine budget went making the car hop higher you feel me.
Rolled round 20 cars not one has a sterio to steal.
There ain't no damn cup holder for my 40.
The wheels are spinning too fast the bitches can't see my trims yall.

[*MAFIA* Meeester]

Oh I get it, the joke is that you're bat-shit insane.

Or retarded.

[Loaded]

Oh I get it, the joke is that you're bat-shit insane.

Or retarded.

or very high AND drunk.

[*MAFIA* Dune Surfer]

God! I want to make love to you both now

[Loaded]

God! I want to make love to you both now

That confirms it, stoned and drunk... Damn man it's 1am there, go to bed and sleep it off.

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.     

Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says,
"Congratulation s, your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys."
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are black."
 

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

He got 0% in Exam
 
 
This Student obtained 0% on an exam, even though his answers were literally correct!

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

[offline]

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Napoleon didn't die in battle, hence the reason he got a 0%.

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

  Norman and Barry got married in California .

 They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Norman 's Mom and
 Dad's house for their first married night together.

 In the morning, Johnny, Norman 's little brother, gets up and has his
 breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom
 if Norman and Barry are up yet. She replies, 'No'.

 Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
 His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

 Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Norman and Barry up
 yet?' She replies, 'No.'

 Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
 His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
  Eat your lunch and go back to school '

 After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
  'Are Norman and Barry up yet?'
 His mom says, 'No.'

 He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
 His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
 
 He says: 'Last night Norman came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...
 I gave him my airplane glue.'

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
   
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.  Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
 
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.'  I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually '
 
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.  When I came out, he looked at me and said  'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'
 
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!
 
A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'  'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'
 
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.  But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best! 


Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
 
 
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself...'I’m going to take that.'
 
 
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. ‘You’re in that basket.’
 
 
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was, Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

I think this video qualifies as a joke:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=432_1342825967

[*MAFIA* ßlåkjáx]

That is fucking genius.

[*MAFIA* MisfiT]

That was indeed funny.

[*MAFIA* Malbert]

I think this video qualifies as a joke:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=432_1342825967

Histerical, it's like watching "The Birds" nowadays.