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[*MAFIA* Meeester]

A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."

"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."

The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.

That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took this concoction down to the drugstore, poured it in the machine and deposited $10. The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off your tennis elbow will never get better.

[*MAFIA* Ricardo]

I had a house beside the sea, but to go to the beach, he had to pass a bar. I have never seen the sea

[*MAFIA* Hellraiser]

I had a house beside the sea, but to go to the beach, he had to pass a bar. I have never seen the sea

  YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!!!  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!  NO ONE LIKES YOU AROUND HERE!!!!

[*MAFIA* Scooby]

Why does Ricardo keep changing his name? We still know it's you Ricardo and we're not going to hate you any less. Now get the fuck out of here before daddy sees your post.

[Thunder]

Hellraiser's pictures are the best! Hahahaha.

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A U.S. Navy Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.  While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.  He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.  He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.  A Lieutenant said it was 50-50%.  An Ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.  There being no consensus, the Captain turned to the seaman who was in charge of making the coffee.  What was HIS opinion?  Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."  The Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?


"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."  The room fell silent.

[*MAFIA* Meeester]

I assume there is a person like that at your job Mano? Seeing as you do zero work at all 

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

Great Idea, I'll have everybody salute me and address me as Sir.   

[*MAFIA* MisfiT]

 

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli
And a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her
purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing."This
is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."

"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.

"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21"

"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".

"He's a martyr too" says mum quietly.

"Oh, gracious me ...." Says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.He would be 18", she whispers.

"Yes" says the friend enthusiastical ly, "I remember when he first started school".

"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

They blow up so fast, don't they?".

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

GHOST SEX

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands.
'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Hav e any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'


Bubba replied, 'Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said Goats. 

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

[*MAFIA* Meeester]

LOL

[*MAFIA* Whoops]

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Bubba,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.

Love Dad.

~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dad,

For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!

Love Bubba,

~~~~~~~~~~

At 4 the next morning, F. B. I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Bubba.

[*MAFIA* masebot1]

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/2012