Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[*MAFIA* Dempy]

I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over
at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What
would you do if I died? Would you get married
Again?"

HUSBAND:
"Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not?
Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of
course I do.."

WIFE: "Then why
wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND: "Okay,
okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You
would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes
audible groan)

WIFE: "Would
you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure,
it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would
you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where
else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would
you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND:
"Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would
you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That
would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would
you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm
sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would
you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes,
those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would
she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No,
she's left-handed."

WIFE: --
silence --

HUSBAND:
"shit."

[*MAFIA* Dempy]

the other day my mates cousin whom has downs syndrome,
walked into the the kitchen at his house and said to is mum "mum mum mum im sorry i had to do it come fast i have to show you"
and his mum said "what have you done"
and the son said "i got him" . the mum looking miffed said "got who"
the son replied the "the troll"
she says "you what you got a troll"
he then says "i locked him up in the shed ill show you but be-careful he is mad"
so they make there way to the shed and open the door and in the shed is a dwarf/midget
then the son says "look see i got one i got him"
the dwarf/midget says "wtf did i do why have u kidnapped me the police are on there way"

well long story straight the son with the downs was going to the shops to buy some stuff for dinner and saw this small man walk by, the son then picked the small man up and locked him in the shed thinking he was a dwarf

later the police turned up and asked what was going so on and so on the mother had to explain about the sons condition
being that some downs can have the power/strength of 6 men
the small man said he will not press charges and has said to the mother and son all i wanted was a fucking lotto ticket
and then said he is scared to go to that shop again and will now shop somewhere else

^^^ true story btw when i heard this i pmsl



roshan/scooby this is a joke thread if you dont like the joke dont read it
jokes only no stupid comments thanks

[Thunder]

being that some downs can have the power/strength of 6 men

That reminds me of something that the comedian Daniel Tosh said..."A retarded man has the strength of 10 men. Which is the equivalent of one chimpanzee. So if you ever see a retarded chimpanzee, you turn and run. That thing is a borderline superhero."

Seems pretty accurate to me.

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the =
veterinarian. She found that the problem was hair in its ears. She  =
cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to =
tell  the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should =
go to the pharmacy and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the =
dog's ears once a month.


The lady goes to the pharmacy and gets some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register the Pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this =
under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The Pharmacist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a =
couple of days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, =
I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The Pharmacist says: "Oh, Stay off your bicycle for a week."

[Loaded]

Charlie, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.

But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?"

''They said, 'Good morning, Admiral. Can I get you some coffee, sir?

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol- Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -
What did you learn from this demonstration???

Maxine Dempy was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'
That pretty much ended the service

[EaSyCoMpAnY]

A
very pretty young speech  therapist was getting nowhere
with her
Stammerers Action  group. She had tried every
technique in the book
without the  slightest
success.   


Finally,
thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you  can tell
me the
name of the town where you were born, without
stuttering, I will have
wild and passionate sex with
you until your  muscles ache and your eyes
water. So,
who wants to go first  ?"

The Englishman piped up.
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.

"That's no
use, Trevor" said the  speech therapist, "Who's next ?"


The Scotsman raised his hand and  blurted out
"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".

That's no  better.
There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid,
Hamish.

How about you, Paddy  ?

The
Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out

" London ".

Brilliant,
Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set
about
living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of
exceptionally  steamy sex, the couple paused
for
breath and Paddy
said

"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry!"

[EaSyCoMpAnY]

What's dumber than a redhead trying to start a fire under water?

The Blond trying to figure out how she'll put it out.

[*MAFIA* Dempy]

 All England games will be moved to the gay adult channel next week. As the sight of 11 arseholes being hammered repeatedly for 90 mins will be too explicit for ITV or the BBC.

[Thunder]

Want to hear a joke? The English soccer team in the World Cup.

[*MAFIA* Dempy]

Want to hear a joke? The English soccer team in the World Cup.

lol the ENGLISH FOOTBALL team has been in the world cup every time unlike the usa who sometimes get in

[*MAFIA* Hellraiser]

you two fighting over soccer/"football" is a freakin joke!  It is a fag sport!  Right next to fencing.

[Thunder]

lol the ENGLISH FOOTBALL team has been in the world cup every time unlike the usa who sometimes get in

Well, here in America, it is called soccer. So I am technically correct. And the US soccer team (or football, if you prefer) isn't supposed to be a world powerhouse.

[EaSyCoMpAnY]

Well, here in America, it is called soccer. So I am technically correct. And the US soccer team (or football, if you prefer) isn't supposed to be a world powerhouse.

That is right thunder,and England are crap atm... we cound not score in a brothel....