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[*MAFIA* Manowar]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.  "You'll really love my place.
"The grass is almost a foot high.

[*MAFIA* Hellraiser]

what's black, white and red???











The test paper that was under Ricardo after Beatle raped him

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A 5-year-old boy (we'll call him little Hellraiser) went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh
... I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started
Adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

This pretty much sums up my day at work. Hint, I'm the white one.


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/fIbuQvtWHuU?version=3&amp;amp;hl=en_US&amp;amp;rel=0" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/fIbuQvtWHuU?version=3&amp;amp;hl=en_US&amp;amp;rel=0</a>

[*MAFIA* Scooby]

This pretty much sums up my day at work. Hint, I'm the white one.

Hey man, why you gotta be like that. Racism is not cool.

[Loaded]

Here's a short one, dumb maybe, but oh well...

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and laid on
the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, Man, "These Taser guns are well worth the money".

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

/\  


                  A  tough looking group of bikers were riding
  when  they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge,
  so  they stopped.               

       The  leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm  going to commit suicide," she says.

   While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want   to  miss
an opportunity either,   so  he asked... "Well, before you jump why
don't you give me a  kiss?"         So  she does... And it was a long,
deep, passionate, lingering kiss.

  After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best
     kiss  I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You
could
    be  famous.  Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
    
    "My  parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........"
    
  The  authorities think she may have been pushed.      

[Destroyer3366]

don't use drugs and anyway see the topic name JOKE SPAM get it JOKE SPAM so I MADE A JOKE SPAM do you see the big picture yet?

If you do Congrats at least your not a total dumb person who can't understand jokes and spamming.  (I am not being mean just making a point and the last part is just another spam line)

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

Arizonian Hunting Laws
 
A Michigander and a Arizonan were hunting in the desert when
an illegal alien runs across the border. 
 
The Arizonan takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him. 
 
"You can't do that!" cried the Michigander. 
 
"No, no, it's legal here in Arizona " replies the Arizonan. 
 
Later that night the Michigander goes and buys some beer and
puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door. 
 
Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away. 
 
The Michigander thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him. 
 
As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him. 
 
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Arizona
 " protests the Michigander. 
 
"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait." 

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A Catholic nun  (we'll call her MG)  was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.

Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch."

She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker."

[*MAFIA* Hellraiser]

A Catholic nun  (we'll call her MG)  was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban (we'll call him Misfit), who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.

Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch."

She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker."

  That's funny shit!!!!!!

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles !!!
 Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
 

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few. I noticed two
large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I
asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them chirped, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two
whales from Ireland ?"
That's the last thing I remember...

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He
was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around  just 
like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything 
to do with him.
 
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came
into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
   
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, 
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
 
 "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use
 an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining but
 eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. AFTER FEELING  THE 
NURSE INSERT THE THERMOMETER, HE HEARD HER ANNOUNCE  "I HAVE TO GET 
SOMETHING.  NOW YOU STAY JUST LIKE THAT UNTIL I GET BACK!"
 
SHE LEFT THE DOOR TO HIS ROOM OPEN ON HER WAY OUT. HE CURSED UNDER HIS
 BREATH AS HE HEARD PEOPLE WALKING PAST HIS DOOR, LAUGHING...
 
After about 20 minutes, the man's Doctor came into the room. "What's
going on here?" asked the doctor.
   
Angrily, the man answered, "What's the  matter, Doc? Haven't you  ever
 seen someone having their temperature taken?"
   
After a pause, the doctor confessed... "Not with a Daffodil"!

[*MAFIA* Manowar]

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and
she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of
your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied: "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!", the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your
feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Johnny said: "Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night.
Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying: 'Oh God! I'm
coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The Nun fainted!